March 10, 2016 – A Startling Confession

I did it.  I gave in.  I caved.  I went to McD’s for lunch today.  There was a time in my life when McD’s was an all too often visit in my life.  A time where I was almost trying to hit rock bottom by shoving McDoubles in my face like the gluttonous oil depository in the back of the place.  I finally did hit that rocky but fluffy bottom and now am able to usually control myself to a once-in-a-while-trip.  Today was one of those days.  And I went full boar, hog-wild, and any other idiom that would convey an animal-like devouring of near-beef burgers…and a shamrock shake.  There, I said it, I pigged out (oh, there is that idiom) on nasty horrible McD’s.  And while I was doing it, I felt fine, felt like I was allowing myself a simple pleasure that only happens occasionally.  But like most of us…we forget what happens after that little dip in the convenient, chemical-laden, calorie-beat-down of a lunch.  Pure and utter disaster.

When the weather changes from winter to spring, people in the midwest are hesitant to change the systems from heat to A/C in larger buildings.  As soon as it seems spring may have broke through a devastating cold streak settles in for the end of March or even middle of April.  So currently while it is a beautiful 60° outside, inside it feels like it’s 80° and I’m walking through a foggy mist.  This only doubles the doubled over feeling from those d*** double arches.

“Mr. Pittman, you don’t look so good.”

“Yeah, I know. Is it hot in here?”

“Yeah, a little bit…did you have that shake? You should be cold.”

“Let’s not talk about that shake.  How’s your research going for science?”

“Well, I’m learning what soap is made of..did you have fries, too?”

“No, but could we please not talk anymore about lunch?”

“Okay, my mom doesn’t like McD’s either…she says there is too much oil.”

Please, Alex, please, don’t ask me  or say another word about McD’s or any other fat-rich food. I’m just hanging on here.

I felt like I was teaching with a flu but it was my own doing.  By the time I sent them to their special at the end of the day, I couldn’t think of anything else but sinking into a chair, curling into a ball and chugging water in the hopes I could hydrate myself out of this misery.  Never, never again…well, maybe.

“Pittman, it’s nice out…want to go to Dairy Queen?”

“Sure thing!”


8 thoughts on “March 10, 2016 – A Startling Confession

  1. Oh my G*d, I’ll never eat McDonalds again. The dialogue at the end had me laughing out loud. “You don’t look so good…” And this line: I finally did hit that rocky but fluffy bottom…

    Ha ha ha ha. This is golden.


  2. Hilarious! I rarely ever go to McD’s anymore, but man those Shamrock Shakes are calling my name. Maybe I can just live vicariously through your indulgence and call it good!


  3. You have captured the essence of a McD meal! When I get that craving, I’m going to think of this post and hopefully steer myself to a better choice.


  4. This should stop me. Unfortunately it won’t. I’m addicted to the southwest chicken salad. In the past I was ashamed of my McD affection, but I can’t fight it. I deserve a break and will still get up and get away to McD. Sorry for your pain! BTW since the heat wave, they have turned the heat off in the PDC and now all, upon arrival, declare, “It is cold in here.”
    Very funny post!


  5. Oh, I am right there with ya. I don’t go to McDonalds very much, but when I do I am always sorry through the digestion process and always say I will never do this again. I fell off last night and had some sugar sweet snack to and oh my I am still not the same. Hilarious depiction, Saturday Night Live Teacher worthy?


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