March 8, 2016 – B-Face

I am sure everyone has encountered a B-face before.  You probably even have been guilty yourself, walking around with that look, that face that seems to say you-all-suck-and-I-hate-the-world-but-really-I’m-just-thinking-about-whether-I-have-time-to-pick-up-a-DVD-at-Redbox-after-school.  It’s called B-face and though I won’t write the whole word out and some people might take offense, or even (gasp) judge me for using it, it’s a real epidemic.  More and more I see people in so many situations walking around looking like they think you are the sorriest excuse of a human being.

If you’ve ever taught, trained, pitched or presented to adults you know exactly what I’m talking about. That furrowed-brow, squinty-eyed, twisted-mouth of a look that adults don’t realize they are giving off.  It’s so much worse than the dejected and bored three toed sloth looks I sometimes get from my 5th grade students. 

Y’know,  I wish I had a plan to stop it. B-faces can really have a profound effect on those around you and even your own well being.  I am 100% positive that Dr. Oz has already or soon could prove that b-faces take 3 years off your life expectancy. 

See tonight I was grabbing my caffeine-laced drink at Sbux, when I turned around and this guy had a complete B-face aimed directly at me.  At first I thought, “Don’t judge me and my quad-venti smoked butterscotch latte. It was my lucky dozen reward drink.” But as I kept walking away I noticed that his face was still pointed to the area that I had just vacated.  He wasn’t judging me at all.  He was probably contemplating the philosophical debate of whether skinny jeans were ever really cool. As I continued my journey through the sidewalks of downtown Naperville, I saw him again.  I stage whispered to my friend, “Hey, look!  That’s the b-face guy from Starbucks!” Even though I knew he was shooting me a nasty grimace, he had left that thick oily residue of B-face in my mind.  He could be a thoroughly nice fellow who runs a rescue shelter and volunteers at a farmer’s market that employs the homeless, but to me he became B-face guy from Starbucks. I’m sure at this point you’re saying to yourself, “It sounds like you’re being judgmental about this, Pittman.” Well, yes, I am but I truly mean it (kind of) when I say I’m being judgmental for your own good (but mostly MY own good). 

You see, if you’re out and about getting your b-face on, you might become someone’s b-face guy or gal.  You don’t want to be that do you?  So every once in awhile do as an old friend mine used to say and “check yo face.”  Lift up your eyebrows, smile a little and soften those eyes a little. You might notice that the world around you feels a little more vivid, bright and welcoming than before.

Unless your just a big B…then keep it up, you’re wearing your little warning sticker for all of us to read. Caution contents may contain angst and resentment. Do not approach unless a trained professional.  


3 thoughts on “March 8, 2016 – B-Face

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